July 30, 2013

Did you know…? SWOON Fun Fact #4

Even if a man medals in sexual technique, he will bomb in bed if he isn’t in on these ladykiller secrets.

Men now are more anxious than ever to please women sexually.  In a recent Men’s Health poll 97% of men said they were “ready and willing to please women.”  But the “orgasm gap” is still a reality according to researchers.  In a 2010 survey only 65% of women had an orgasm in their last encounter, and 2/3 wives would rather do anything than have sex. Stanford professor Shelby Martin who has studied this gap places most of the blame on male ignorance and ineptitude.

This transcends simple technique—Frisbee grips and python positions.  Grand prix ladies’ men recognize first women differ in sexual temperament and tastes.  As one of the men I interviewed said, “I always ask, ‘What do you want and like?’”  A sexual pro custom-tailors the occasion for the woman.  He needs sex-ray vision to divine her mood.

Women’s sexual response, unlike men’s, is a “whole-brain operation,” and often they bring psychic killjoys to the bedroom like stress, fatigue, self-image and cultural bogies.  Great lovers understand how to reassure and relax a woman until she’s all mid-brain.  They take their time, realizing that women take longer to warm up than they do.

Firing female lust requires other intangibles as well.  As sex researchers have found, a woman’s seat of desire is narcissistic rather than relational.  Above all, writes Professor Marta Meana, a woman wishes to be “the object of erotic admiration.”  Experienced bedmates build passion in their partners with smart, sincere, targeted praise.

Ardor is crucial, too.  Professor Meana found in her research that the female libido requires assertive, fervid male ardor to operate at peak efficiency.  Ladykillers are not calm, cool operators; they are intense, emotional, and fire on all cylinders.

Another “must” to guarantee female sexual pleasure is emotional engagement.  Ecstasy researchers emphasize that men who show gender empathy, intimacy, and communication in bed have a higher success rate.  Jack Nicholson, who studied all this, is a sexual ninja. Said one lover:  “He satisfied me like no other man before; he was only concerned with my pleasure.”  God put  [him] on this planet to love women.”

In the end, the ancient Indian Kama Sutra said it best:  “no instruction is necessary for those who are properly in love.”

Learn more in Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them.

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